Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Brought the Cookies

Sushi and Sex in the City. Sweet combo. I went with Amy tonight and did both. She mixed and pack martinis for the movie. Another friend of hers came along and she too packed drinks. Crap. All I brought were cookies.

When did I turn into the girl that only brings a cookie? A few shorts months ago I planned a big expedition to Alice in Wonderland (once again with Amy) complete with dinner and drinks beforehand. That time the drinks were too plentiful and we kind of forgot about the movie plans. A and I went hungover the next morning. Apparently, I just miss the bullseye. Too little or too much. Next time I'll just remember that with alcohol you can't go wrong.

Enough of my rambling, I am sure you are just dying to hear about the movie. It was a good story. I'd watch it again if it was on T.V  mid channel-surf. Quite a bit of (almost awkward) one-liners and a couple times Lucille Ball popped into mind. The most entertaining part of the experience was quite possibly the other women. The theatre was packed and we were not the only ones imbibing There was a "screamer" and a "cackler" down in front and at the most dramatic moment a collective gasp.

Kinda crappy post. I literally spent a good portion of the movie writing this in my mind. Must've left those ideas under the seat, but it's late and I'm pumping. Too much info, people, I know. Too much info.

Monday, May 24, 2010

I Feel Clever, oh So Clever

Much to my husband's chagrin, I HATE throwing things away. Almost everything can be used for something or passed on to someone else. I occasionally watch Hoarders just to keep myself in check. I have friends who are baffled by the show and the lives it's people lead, but I live in fear of becoming them. Although I am no where near that crazy, the large canvas bag of baby food jars in the corner of the kitchen begs to differ.

It's not my fault, I am claiming genetics and blaming my brother. My brother taught me to save things from a very young age. Get your favorite candy trick-or-treating? Don't eat it, because you just might want it later and then it will be gone. This led to the candy never getting eaten and my mom throwing it away (with the uneaten Easter candy) within weeks of the next year's Halloween. I still feel bad about all those uneaten Bite-Sized Snickers. Maybe this is why I have no control over myself when I see a bowl of candy lying around these days. Back to my brother. This idea seemed to have been built into him. As a toddler he would actually hide dirty Kleenexes behind the couch because he didn't want to throw them away. That has amused me my entire life.

I have entirely digressed from the point I was trying to make. And I have completely destroyed the argument I was trying to make- that this ninja is clever.

I mostly cloth diaper my kid so I refused to purchase a Diaper Genie (even though my husband asked several times, "When are we going to get one of those diaper trashcan things?". I used several DG's and their equivalent in my nannying days, but there was no point for the extra expense and space for those few disposables we use. I love the Arm-n-Hammer tiny scented plastic bags, but those cost money (that we don't have). Recently I discovered something that works just as well. The produce bags from the grocery store are PERFECT. I use the ones I actually bring veggies home in, but go ahead, unroll yourself a few extra. No one will notice. Also great are the bags newspapers come in (steal your neighbors and then hand deliver their paper to the door- they'll think your a saint! Especially if you occasionally hand it off with a hot cup o' jo). And these are so long you can tie one crappy diaper in the bottom and save it for the next one. I know I give myself too much credit, but I just had to share.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'm a Ninja

I just killed a fly. With. my. BARE HANDS! It was perched on the edge of the table and *SMACK* down it went to the floor. Then it jumped and I killed it again. That's the second one I've gotten this fly season. Pretty sure that makes me an official ninja. Then as I carried the corpse to the trashcan I stubbed my toe on a toy train. Must've used up all the ninja skills on the fly. Freakin' train bringing me back to reality. Or maybe the universe was just getting me back for committing a tiny murder (and my ninja skills are still intact).

Friday, May 21, 2010

I Went for a Run (just once)

Last weekend I ran a marathon. Ok I lied. I ran part of a marathon. But it was a relay, I didn't cheat. Once upon a time I was an athlete. A pretty badass athlete actually (and where, other than your very own blog, can you brag openly about yourself?). But that was a few years back. Since then I have 1) had my ankle reconstructed with a tendon from my thigh 2) dislocated my elbow (I'll tell you about that sometime, it was classic) 3) fractured my back (another classic story- this one even involves alcohol and party shoes) and been told by experts (a.k.a doctors) that my body wasn't built for pounding the pavement. I love having this excuse for my hatred of jogging around the block more than once.

Back to marathon. So about 6 weeks back I get a call from Amy, "Hey! We need someone for our Beach to Bay team. Interested? I'll fill you in later." So later included drinks and I'm going to blame the combination of alcohol and my good conscience (I don't want to let anybody down) on my agreement to run. Flash forward 5 weeks during which I am constantly wondering if I really agreed to this or if maybe Amy forgot since we haven't spoken of it since. And I am afraid to bring up the subject. One week before the big event it is confirmed that yes, I AM on the team and signed up for the longest leg, 4.7 miles. What luck!

The big Saturday arrives and I had not run in at least 2 years (except 1.5 miles +.5 mile walk ON MONDAY). I arrive at my post well ahead of schedule and it is raining. The rain quickly turns into a full blown storm complete with thunder and lightning. I stood there cold and wet in the storm for an hour (hardcore, I know). But just before Amy arrives to hand off the baton (8 inches of PVC pipe) the rain lightens enough for me to bust out the ipod and Alexander McCall Smith's book on cd reads me to the finish line. 51 minutes with an average heart rate of 188.

Or what I thought was the finish line. Apparently cars weren't allowed anywhere near the naval base that my leg of the race was run on so instead of waiting with 200+ people for a bus (busload of wet, sweaty people- gross) I walked. And walked. An additional 2 miles. Like I said, "Just my luck."

This highly attractive photo of me is my proof. Seriously. You have to work to look this hot.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Movin' on Over

I just can't let anything get left behind....

*Originally posted May 7*
A Few Things I've Noticed

It was a lot easier to pose the kid for pictures when he could barely sit and sure as hell wasn't going anywhere. Now that he's all over both, my pictures are of the top of his head, the side of his butt, the back of his hand, or just a general blur as he shoves himself out of view. So much for having perfect monthly pictures in identical outfits and poses. I should've known from the beginning that would be beyond my abilities...

On a completely different note, I watch a LOT of TV. Too much, but usually I am not paying that much attention to the actual screen. I just listen. Well, yesterday I was really watching and noticed that a lot of women have freckles/age spots on their chest and arms. No problem. The more the merrier. The problem lies in the makeup they use to cover up any trace of these skin constellations on the face. IT LOOKS WEIRD. Now I  notice on everyone and it drives me nuts. Yes, this is a minor thing but your face really should match the rest of your body.

*Originally posted April 30*
You Learned This in 3rd Grade

It's the English language. Learn how to use it. Oh wait, you DID learn how to use it. Even spent 12 plus years being taught one lesson at a time. Must have forgotten somewhere along the way. If you weren't born in the U.S. don't worry I'm not talking to you (although if you plan to stay here at least make an effort to learn the language). Hehe I just realized the people my disclaimer was written for probably can't read it anyway. Back to the point. This morning in The Wall Street Journal I was told that people want "the ability to let lose and cry". The journalist who wrote this didn't realize their mistake? Or the editor whose job is to find and correct? Maybe it's a secret contest and if I call in with the correction I win a free dictionary. I could have let this tiny (in the grand scheme of things) mistake slide had I not read the status update of a "friend" the other day stating she was "going loose it. Really going to loose it this time."

Feeling grammatically deficient? If you don't understand my complaint, you should.


Question for the blogging experts. When I set up to follow a blog I have a picture and a name. I agree to follow publicly with those. THEN every time (except once) my little square on your pages shows up without a picture and a name I used long long ago (the colwells). Any suggestions? This annoys the shit out of me. Literally I am running to the bathroom as we speak.

When this is resolved I will resume my new found hobby of locating, reading, and following awesome blogs. Or I will give up and shamefully do that with no picture and the wrong name.

Holy crap, I did it!!! Dangit to me for being clueless and then suddenly figuring it out after months of frustration.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Something Old and Something New

No, I am not getting remarried. Although after 17 months of wedded bliss I am thinking it's time to renew those vows. I gotta wear that dress again. To a party. However, I have been a slacker and have yet to order my wedding photo album (it's stressful ok!?!). So if my parents have to decide between murdering me over the photos and attending another party all about me and my snazzy white get-up..... can you say 1-8-7?

Back on track. This morning I was allowed a peek (and a taste) into the life of a juicer. I juiced and Knox juiced. My friends juiced. And then we juiced all over again. Yummmmmmm. After coffee (what would I do without you, caffeinated goodness)  we were started off with a cool, refreshing glass of cucumber, bell pepper, carrot, apple "skin juice" (so sorry if I screwed up the ingredients Christy!). And the skin is what it's good for, not a disgusting 5th ingredient. Wow that makes me think of how awesome it would have been to have a juicer when I was like 8 making witches brew in the bucket in the back yard. Let's see: mud, june bugs, leaves, and a moth. Don't drink. When it could of been the green concoction listed above. Possibly as scary at that age as eating the bug mud, but in the name of authenticity I definitely would have downed the juice. And then pretended I was a cat (ok, I did the cat bit anyway, and I was a damn good over-sized feline).

Next juice: carrot apple ginger juice. Wow. I may start randomly appearing on Christy's doorstep after my rockin' bit of German engineering "breaks down" while I just happen to be on the island (around juice time!). Even the kid loved it. Thanks Christy!

I told you guys (on the mishap) if you follow me I will post about your most fantastic features. Well, Christy has more going for her than just juice so imagine the ideal human being with luscious, juice infused skin that's willing to run in knee deep sand.

Thanks for the writing assistance, kid. Somewhere under all that is my lap.

*Originally posted April 28, 2010*

Two point five days out of town and I packed myself a pair of jeans and two shirts. One of those shirts is reserved for the drive home and plans I have upon my return. The other shirt got peed on. Awesome. I didn't mention the most comfortable dress in the world that I wore for the drive up here. That dress has been worn 5 times and never washed. Once I put it in the dryer with a Downy sheet so it would smell clean, does that count? I know. I am gross. I did, however, overdo it on the underwear. Maybe I can fashion the eight extra panties I have into a shirt.

And I forgot makeup.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Moving the Mishap

Ok. I am going to be a little annoying here and make a big change. I've decided to combine the daily mishap with this owl to make things simpler. And more organized. Since my life almost completely lacks organization I figured I could start cleaning my virtual space and hopefully my actual environment will kindly follow suit. Not likely, but at least I will feel at peace online. Sad huh? Anyway, I plan to gradually (or all at once, we'll see) move the posts I have previously written from there to here. I don't want to lose them all together in the deletion process. So that's the annoying part. I apologize in advance for posts you may already have read popping up as "new". I know you get all tingly when you see I've written something new and I hate to get you all tense 'n excited and then let you down... but in the long run it's all for the good.

And the last review sucked. Not the book, just the review so I deleted it and will re-review when I am in the proper mood. I just threw that one together out of guilt for slacking.